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Neanderthals Gave You Allergies Because Sex | News House

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I like cats but I cannot stand them. I mean I'm physically unable to tolerate them. Yup. Allergies suck. And they can be a dealbreaker. Everytime I go on a date, I hope the lady I dig only has maybe one cat this time, and not four (like every other human female I've ever met). But I won't hold my breath (pun intended) because cats are the cool kids of the pet world. Everybody wants to be friends with them but they're too busy being awesome to care. Side note to any ladies reading this: it's also okay to buy fish, otters or sugar gliders. Maybe don't keep your fish and your otter in the same room if you double down. If, however, you buy a sugar glider, you don't need any advice from me because you've obviously got things figured out.
Back to dating. If, like me, you feel your allergies are a hindering your dating prospects (for sure it's just our allergies) I have good news. No, not a cure. But something almost as good: a scapegoat! Huzzah! Science has officially confirmed that Neanderthals are to blame for our allergies. Actually, our human ancestors are to blame for having sex with Neanderthals. We all saw The Croods seven times so we know this kind of Paleolithic romance happened all the time. Because everybody was lean and ripped.
But the facts are plain: as homo sapiens set out from Africa about 40,000 years ago they had lots and lots of unprotected sex and babies with Neanderthals. The good news is that the inter-mingling boosted our immune systems. The bad news is back hair. And also immune systems so evolved they can now go overboard, interpreting non-threateneing things as dangerous. Which ironically renders them dangerous to us. Case and point, shellfish or peanut allergies. It's tricky business having sex out of species. It's also illegal and morally questionable in 2016 no matter how Paleo stacked that otter of yours may be. Do the right thing.
I talk all about allergies and Neanderthals on today's News House.
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