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Never Sh*t Your Pants Again

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Good news guys. The future is here and it brought poop prediciting technology with it. No more shitting your pants or the pants of those you love. With D Free, the tiny wearable that gives you a minute by minute feces forecast, you'll always be one step ahead of your number twos. Yes indeed, the device syncs with an app on your smart phone to send you shit updates well before your next loaf pinch.
It's good news for people with reduced mobility or with aggressive IBS. They're no doubt delighted by this feat of modern science. As are we, but for very different reasons. It's a harbinger of turd. Science has helped create a harbinger of turd.
Please to enjoy this "news".
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